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Career Builder: Using Job Boards For More Than Jobs
If you are like most job seekers, you have registered your
resume on the major online job boards such as Career Builder,
Monster, TheLadders.com, Headhunter, etc. But are you aware of
the plethora of good information and job search tools that...
Fast-track career success with Informational Interviews
Informational interviewing can play a pivotal role in building one’s network to assist in penetrating the hidden job market and unadvertised job prospects, but unfortunately is often a tool that is ignored in a job seeker’s career and job search...
Home Employment Is The Dream Of Most Americans Today
Americans today have so many reasons to find at home mployment
opportunities instead of working for corporate America in their
strict 9 to 5 world. One of the most popular reasons people look
for at home employment opportunities is that they get...
International Job Search
"Facts about Searching Jobs Abroad"
Job hunting abroad can be both an opportunity and an adventure.
There are hurdles to overcome when searching for the right job
abroad. Let's take going to Madrid, Paris, Rome or London for
example. It's...
Retirement Planning? . . . How About an Exciting New Job?
And you thought you were all finished with work. But retirement
planning these days includes so many diverse options. And one of
them is to find a retirement job.
If you're leaning in that direction because you just can't see
yourself...
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Lose Your Job Now: 5 Tips to Get to Severance Heaven
You've schemed, you've scammed, you've plotted, but the elusive
layoff has evaded you for the last time. Your desire to go to
that spacious severance-package-in-the-sky needs to be fulfilled
without further ado. How will you get upper management to see
how pointless your position really is? Follow these five tips
and soon you'll be packing your pictures.
1. Work in customer service.
Between voice-response systems, outsourcing to other countries,
and form emails, who needs to talk to a person? See Exhibit A:
"Dear Sir or Madam, Thank you for your feedback. At this time we
are unable to . We highly value you as a
customer and apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. We
hope you will consider NeverDoingBusinessWithYouAgain, Inc. in
the future. Sincerely, Generic Jenny"
With quality responses such as these, who needs to talk to a
customer service agent?
2. Apply for middle management.
In the pyramid-scheme of employment, middle management is the
most superfluous. You're the guy whose job it is to make sure
that other employees are doing their jobs. If you work for a
micro-manager, your boss isn't only making sure that you're
doing your job; he's also making sure that your employees are
doing their jobs. If your industry is in a slump, has put a
freeze on hiring, and employee numbers are eroding due to
attrition, why have 10 people managing 250 employees when
previously they were managing 300? Is $60,000/year, benefits,
paid vacation, and personal time really worth an increase of
0.002% in productivity? If you can do the math, so can upper
management. Submit that e-application immediately.
3. Work in the telecommunications industry.
Between cell phones, cable internet, VoIP, and mergers, the
telecommunications industry is all but dead. Countless
individuals been talked into keeping a landline by their
telephone company "just in case" their cell phone goes dead.
These consumers will soon realize that their cell phones almost
never go dead, and, if they do, they can always
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port to a
different company with better coverage areas. With "naked DSL"
(DSL service that does not require a landline) becoming
available in more and more areas, landlines will soon be a
distant memory. And the phone number the customers have had a
cozy, intimate relationship with for the past 25 years? These
landline numbers can be ported to cell phones, too! The heat of
the home phone has fizzled.
4. Work somewhere for a long time. Remind people of this.
Constantly.
Sure, there's a learning curve for every job, but somewhere
between years one and two you'll hit that proficiency peak.
After this point, you need something else, like incalculable
business relationships or unique knowledge, to keep you afloat.
If you don't have these, don't seek them. If you do, downplay
these assets. Upper management will begin to wonder whether your
10 years of experience is really worth all the extra pay.
5. Work somewhere with a disproportionately high sign-on bonus.
If you're Larry Page or Sergey Brin, the founders of Google, or
an actuary with dueling master's degrees in Actuarial Science
and Mathematics, you deserve a hefty sign-on bonus. If you're
flipping burgers at McDonald's or telemarketing at Geico, you
don't. When a company with a "high school diploma preferred, but
not required" policy is offering a sign-on bonus, itis because
they're desperate for help during an uncharacteristically busy
season. These companies are hoping that attrition will
conveniently dispose of these extra employees when customer
volumes return to normal. If this doesn't happen, you're looking
at your coveted cash cow of unemployment when they drop the axe.
About the author:
Gwendolyn Lee, at the ripe age of 25, has been laid off. She
knows hundreds of individuals who have been laid off. She is
currently working as a contract statistician and analyst of
Internet-related metrics for rubber stamps and rubber stamping
products for www.rubberstamps.net. If
she's lucky, she'll be laid off from there as well.
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